she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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