Yo dont text me then not text me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
