and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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