I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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