Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
