Only a mothe r could love this liver
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need a beard to bite.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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