he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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