Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
