I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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