also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize