I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
