Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
