If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
