good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Too much gin, very little bucket
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
