i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
