I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have post one night stand depression
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
