This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
