had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
