Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
