Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
