so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
