I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
