So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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