Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have already put on my inside pants.
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