So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize