Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
