I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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