your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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