It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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