i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
