My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
