don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
