Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize