remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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