My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
