I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
