3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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