Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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