How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
