Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My bed smells like the plague
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize