do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
