I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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