Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize