someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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