OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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