on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
