she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
