so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
