Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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