There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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