drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
