i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's never too late to be topless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
