my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
