I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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