So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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