after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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