i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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