Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize