i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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