You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
