We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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