he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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