I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
