I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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