Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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