meet me or not, i'm out of control
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
