If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
