its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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